Today I just want to sit with just my mom and watch a movie. I miss her so much. Some days I recognize that I am an adult but at the same time it makes me a little sad. Sad at the fact that chaos is slowly starting to fill my life. Chaos that is going to speed up real fast and then not slow down for a long time. My thoughts are jumbled sometimes and my speech becomes lazy and I end up only saying the last word in my sentences.I am feeling really disconnected from everyone lately, it's been really hard to relate to people. Like being 11, you're too old to hang out with the 9 year olds but too young to hang out with the 13 year olds. I feel like no one really takes me seriously or could consider me as someone to talk to about anything deeper. Anything deeper than how classes are going or some topic that is way over discussed and everyones immediate response is thrown from their autopilot pile of phrases. Maybe it would just be easier to get married.

Surprise! I'm getting married!

Just kidding.
But, I have been training the most wonderful new addition to my work and she just so happens to be very- well...let's just say "gifted" and I don't mean that in a bad way either, in fact it could end up being quite helpful. She explained to me that she has this nature to be very in tune with sensing feelings or events in other people(and possibly herself). Today she came into work and told me that I will be meeting a special someone soon, and marriage could be near...ummm...HELLO, what?
Keep in mind this woman and I hardly know each other aside from meeting at work not even two weeks ago, but she said since the day we met, she said I had this strange "vibe" going on. I'm still not sure how I feel about this.

Dont worry, I don't have any plans to get married. Promise.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm going through some series of tests. I'll explain. I feel like as I grow deeper in my faith and ask God to continue to show himself each day, I'm being asked to accomplish or at least try very new things. Mostly things dealing with my independence, which I've been praying about for a while now. It scares me because I feel like I've been picked up and tossed into some huge desert with a charging bull- yes, it has been that extreme. All these decisions, new opportunities, strange family issues, and pretty much moving on and becoming an adult with no where to go but either head on with this bull or running away deep into the "desert". I am an adult by the way, a 21 year old adult who apparently becomes British on Monday nights.

oh my life.